If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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