you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
