I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So vagazzling was a success
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
