Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
