I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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