So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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