dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
