We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
