I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
