This is not my ceiling
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
