Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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