The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
pray to the hookup gods
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
