ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
