when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
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