Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she was so not down for the gang bang
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
