I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
