Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize