Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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