buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
