hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I want to make a zoo with you.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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