I think im going to throw up on grandma
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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