She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
