I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
