He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize