thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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