Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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