I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You pole danced in your parka.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
