i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
