I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
