Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You need Xanax blowdarts
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
