I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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