Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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