anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
