I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
