i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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