My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize