Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
