What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
