its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize