Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
