We're facebook friends in real life
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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