My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
