someone threw a dead crab at me
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
