Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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