3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
