Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
