I'm so fucking centered right now
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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