So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
