Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
