One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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