Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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