Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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