I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
4 words: hood of his car
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
