You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
