I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
