I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
