Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
