Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
only if we run a train.
done.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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