Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
