he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
