i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
