Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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